Bipolarity is especially characterized by its 2 extreme phases. The highs (manic phase) and the lows (depressive phase). These phases are so far apart from each other at times that it makes me think of bipolar as a perpetual parachute jump.
Anyone who would have a dream where they were in the scene I’m about to describe would tell you that they had gone through a terrible nightmare, and rightly so.
So it goes like this…
Imagine that life is a perpetual parachute jump. You get on a plane, the plane goes up in the air, you jump from a certain altitude, and then land safely on the ground with your parachute.
It was all super exciting, so you do it again, sometimes going higher, and sometimes going lower, for the rest of your life.
Everyone goes through this beautiful life, admiring the scenery, experiencing strong emotions, and unique challenges. But that’s where it gets tricky for the bipolar person. For them, everything can go on quite normally for a while.
But at some point, they get on the plane, the plane rises to a certain altitude, the person jumps out, and then something happens very suddenly.
The bipolar person realizes that they don’t have a parachute. So the descent seems very long, and the only thing the bipolar person will see is the ground coming up fast. But sometimes, it seems like the descent has no end, like falling forever.
And then at a given moment, by chance, a parachute appears, and the person lands safely. They are at the worst of their depressive phase.
Afterwards, a short time passes, and the person has to get back on the plane. Very hesitant, they refuse to get on the plane and go to bed because all of this has exhausted them. However, they wake up the next day, sitting in the plane, which is still doing its thing and gaining altitude.
The person is shocked, but does not want to jump right away, and goes back to bed. Meanwhile, other people have made several jumps, while they have not jumped a single time. It’s as if their life had stopped.
Then one day, they get up with a lot of energy and drive. They say they can take on any challenge. So the bipolar person asks the pilot to go even higher, so they can jump from unimaginable heights.
“I want to touch the moon,” they say. So the pilot does, and then they jump from a great height. They land, get back in the plane, and jump again. They jump higher and higher and higher, because They feel great and invincible. This is the manic phase that begins.
While people are living their normal lives, the bipolar person is giving their 300%. While they’re doing this, people look at them with amazement, and think they are suddenly very motivated.
But they don’t know what was going on with the bipolar person, and they didn’t believe when they told them “I jumped, but I didn’t have a parachute, and it just appeared out of nowhere.” They have no idea what to expect the next time they jump.
The bipolar person wakes up the next day, quite tired from the day before. Nothing special had changed, or rather nothing special had happened. But still they feel tired.
After spending a good while in bed, they decide to get up, have a good coffee, a nice cold shower, and make their jump for the day.
Except that halfway through, they realize that they don’t have a parachute. And just like their first depressive phase, they’re in a dead end. Without a parachute, with the ground approaching fast, too fast, they have no idea what to do.
Oh what they would give for help. To have someone who believes them, who would be there to comfort her right now. But all they can think is that this can’t be happening to them for real.
No one believed her the first time, so they must be making a big mistake. But how could they be so stupid to jump without a parachute, again?!
And why do they seem so alone, with no one to help them? But why does the ground seem even deeper than the first time? And why does it only happen to them?
And then the cycle continues indefinitely until the end of their life.
It all sounds pretty scary, but on the other hand, it explains really well how I feel sometimes. I feel very sad, very alone at times. And at other times, I feel loved, I love my hobbies, my work, my music, etc.
But everything I love only seems temporary. It lasts only for a while, and then all the beauty of life fades away as soon as I go back into a depressive phase.
Just like the jumper in my allegory, when I’m in a depressed phase, it is impossible to observe the beautiful scenery, or to enjoy the strong emotions that are part of life. Everything becomes negative, and everything is focused on the present moment, filled with only depression.
So here it is, I hope it will help people understand how I feel. And I hope that other people with bipolar can see themselves in this description, and see that they are not alone, and that despite everything, there is hope.
Thanks
